PIVOT: Reckoning (Part Six)
It’s been ten months since I left my full time job to wholeheartedly pursue creative entrepreneurship. This is an update to the PIVOT series so feel free to read through and catch yourself up before diving into today’s post.
I’ve shed more tears over these past ten months—more so in the last two months—than ever before.
I’ve felt the highs and I’ve ridden out the lows.
As I enter almost one full year of full-on entrepreneurship, this journey has been an interesting one to say the least. Considering everything that has happened and everything I am about to share with you, I am rejoicing in the choice I made in January and I am proud that I am still standing, still writing.
For the sake of time, here’s what’s played out since Part Five: Revolution was published.
I’ve put myself out there! Hallelujah.
I’ve attended and participated in multiple local networking events where I spoke about the leap I made and how my business has been taking shape.
I also successfully organized, marketed, and hosted my first in-person event with Cheers to Courage in Portland, Oregon.
And the relationships that mean the most to me have deepened and evolved as I’ve reached out and asked for help while navigating previously uncharted waters.
(Any introvert will tell you that vocalizing and then sharing your dreams with a group of people is downright terrifying so this has been no small feat.)
Photo from Cheers to Courage courtesy of the fantastic Kimberlee Karr
A few firsts and feathers for my entrepreneurial cap.
Since January an article of mine has been published in a rad magazine, a few websites have featured me as someone who is chasing after their dreams, and people I wouldn’t expect have given me compliments and positive feedback about my writing.
I’ve also landed and worked with my first paying coaching clients along with traveling for my business for the very first time!
More adventures, more love.
This year I’ve been lucky to visit and explore the likes of Boston, New York City, Portland, Seattle, and Baltimore.
The Red Sox also won the World Series! Go Sox!
And I’ve found myself falling deeper for my boyfriend as we find our way through the growing pains that come with being individuals and being in a relationship. For example, our in-house baseball rivalry 😘
But light cannot exist without darkness.
It hasn’t been all rave reviews and smooth sailing since I jumped head first into creative entrepreneurship.
There was that time that the internet was intentionally disconnected 12 minutes before a coaching session with a client because something needed to be rewired in the house.
And another time when there were zero live attendees for my first virtual event.
Also, an original article that only ever saw the light of an editor’s inbox rather than becoming a published piece.
Oh, and that time I received my first hateful comments on an Instagram post from an immediate family member, no less.
The first time a working relationship with a coaching client went south, too, because I didn’t trust my instincts and thought this specific client and their goals would be a challenge. That it certainly was!
And that afternoon when I stood in the chip aisle at Target on the verge of tears because I didn’t have a place to go.
Unfortunately, I still am not invincible or unbreakable. There was one day when it all became too much and I broke down. This was the lowest of lows for me, a night when I felt a new level of loneliness and hopelessness. It has been a journey to get myself back on track after that one night let alone trying to tend to the rest of the many facets of life.
Life can feel overwhelming at times, but I do believe I can and will make it through those hard times on most days. I never thought my blood relatives would become my biggest critics, and not the people who had my back regardless of what was coming at me. We live and it’s our responsibility to learn, too.
So here’s what I’ve learned over the past ten months.
When you take that first bold step to begin following your heart, you will affect others for better or worse. You will inspire some people to take action within their own lives whether you notice it or not. You will also inadvertently open yourself up to criticism and judgements from those people who are envious of your courage and the action you’re taking.
Entrepreneurship, relationships, life in general is all about surrendering without losing faith. To be able to release the need for control because you believe that everything will work out for you is one of the hardest skills to learn. And I call it a skill because it isn’t inherent yet it is something we need to remember to come back to when times are tough.
You’ve got to be your biggest ally especially when the time comes and you find yourself in the midst of a reckoning. Because it will and those days when it feels like everything is crumbling around you are precisely the days you need to be your number one source of support and encouragement. Give yourself grace to feel the feelings and eat the ice cream. You’ll know when it’s time to get back on your feet and figure out your next move, and then make sure you do in fact make that next move.
And here’s the real heart of the matter. I have been putting off a post like this because I’m afraid to put it out there. That it’s been ten whole months and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. But that’s exactly why I continue writing and stretching myself outside of my comfort zone.
Just because I happen to still reside in the same place and I haven’t made physical leaps and bounds does not mean that I haven’t walked my walk and talked my talk. I have come face to face with arguably the toughest time in my life and I’m still standing. If that isn’t an accomplishment, then I don’t know what is.
Did this post hit you right in the feels like some R-rated Pixar flick? Drop a comment below if you’re surviving your own personal reckoning and I’ll be sure to send an instant dose of courage your way.